Diary Of An Ugly Duckling

“There once was an ugly duckling, with feathers all shabby and brown…”37713bec5ffad23dac0c8b3628091ffe

Welcome to my journey  It’s January 2017 and I’m starting out on an odyssey of self discovery, from which I hope to regain my self confidence, find my mojo again and – hopefully – begin a new, happier, chapter of my life.

I’m a realist.  I have no false illusions of being more than I am.  I have never been pretty or popular.  I’ve always been the odd one out, the black sheep, the weird one.  Always on outside looking in, in every sphere of my life – at school and in the playground, in the workplace, even among friends.  I was a victim of severe bullying right the way through school, which left me with many scars that stay with me even now.  Hangups about my physical appearance.  Paranoia that any new person I meet is automatically not going to like me, because that was always the way.

I thought I finally had my fairytale ending when I married and entered a happier, more settled period of my life.  But the past four years have been rough.  Very rough.  I’ve suffered almost every type of misfortune known to man, one after the other in quick succession – boom, bam, BAM!  Kicking off with my husband leaving me, I’ve been through a complicated and messy divorce, serious illness, car accident, breast cancer scare, another failed relationship, and that was the universe only getting started with me!

In 2014 my world turned upside down completely when I suffered a spinal cord injury that left me with severe, permanent nerve damage to my the entire lower half of my body.  The trauma caused was not just physical – it was emotional too, because I suddenly had to face a future much different to what it should have been.  One where I was now, technically, ‘disabled’ (although that’s a label I prefer not to use about myself).  But it wasn’t all bad.  The shock of realising that what you have can been taken away in a heartbeat made me want to get out and live life – work my way through all the things on my bucket list, do the things that scare me and experience all life has to offer.

But after a a year or so of living life at 100 miles an hour, reality caught up with me and 2016 saw anxiety and depression get a hold of me again.  A few things happened that caused me to lose my confidence again and I’ve reverted to old me, shy me.  And because I’ve been feeling so poop mentally, I’ve been letting things go – I’ve started to put on weight again and I feel like I’m fast becoming the frump I used to be once again.

So it’s the start of a new year, and I’m determined to get back in control of my life.  2017 is going to be the year I turn things around, and I’ve decided to start a blog to record my progress.  The hope is that it may motivate me to achieve my goals, but if my journey can help inspire anyone else with self confidence issues them that’s a bonus!

So if you’d like to keep me company on my trip of a lifetime, please subscribe to my blog (link in sidebar) or follow me on Instagram to keep up to date with my progress!

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